Things I wasn't expecting

I wasn't expecting "Calm Down TV."

Once all the prep was done, all the vitals taken, all the questions asked, papers signed, and some shots administered (not nearly as bad as I was expecting), the nurse went to get Bob to sit with me until time. I pointed, "Look Bob, they have Calm Down TV." It was actually very nice scenes of nature, accompanied by soothing music. A field of flowers. A mountain vista. A gorgeous sunrise. A pond with a duck gently padding along. He said it just as I was thinking it: "Aww, a duck...getting eaten by a giant croc!" It wasn't Animal Planet, but just in case, we changed it to HGTV.

I was expecting Dr. D to pop in and say something to us prior to the surgery. But I wasn't expecting her to talk about how they really worked to fit me in this quickly, knowing my tumor was growing and being concerned about it. We asked how she was doing, and if she had gotten a good night's sleep. Many people including Bob and I had been praying for her and her whole staff to have a great weekend, and be well rested. She said last week was rough, but she was okay. I also wasn't expecting to feel as comforted as I did when she patted my foot and said we'd be ready very soon.

I was expecting to wake up crying, that's my usual reaction to coming out of anesthesia, but I wasn't expecting to wake up without pain. Dr. S was my anesthesiologist, and I talked to her before the surgery. She is a cute little petite woman with piercing blue eyes. I told her about how I woke up in agony after my hysterectomy, and she said she had ways to help with pain after a mastectomy that were very effective. I wish I could see her again and hug her.

I wasn't expecting them to let me hold a prayer card during surgery, but they did.

I thought I was the model of recovery -- joking and laughing, feeling good, in no pain. When I got up and walked to the bathroom I even joked with the nurses about being an overachiever. So I wasn't expecting later the same night to be the light headed, nauseous, dry heaving, drain leaking pain in the you-know-what for the staff on the surgery floor. I prayed a lot that night since there was no sleeping going on.

Dr. D came in early the next morning. She explained that she got all of the cancer. She had to take the lymph nodes too, to be safe. She started unwrapping me. "I'm not sure I'm ready to look." She said that was fine, I didn't have to, but she did. Two of the nurses who had been caring from me stood by. I just looked at them. Dr. D said, "This looks really good. I mean really good." I scanned the two nurse's eyes to see if I could detect, what? Horror, shock, something? I don't know what I was expecting but they both just nodded at Dr. D's comment. The one who had been by me when I was at my worst during the night said, "We're just admiring her work." I said I knew Dr. D was the best. She wrapped me back up and said she'd see me next week. She talked about getting the pathology back yet this week, and some other things I can't remember.

I was zoned out a bit because I wasn't expecting it to hit me at that moment that it is gone. It's all gone. That big, painful tumor that was growing inside me was history. She got the cancer out. Along with my breast.

Yesterday's reading included this encouragement for me: "May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who has loved us and given us everlasting encouragement and good hope through his grace, encourage your hearts and strengthen them in every good deed and word." 2 Thessalonians 2: 16-17

I know I 'm going to need that grace.