5 Weird thoughts for a Wednesday

Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy post.

And by that I mean I just have a bunch of random things rattling around that I need to get down before I forget it all. 

1. The pain.

Forgetting it all is a real concern right now, since I have had to go back to pain pills in the past two days. I really thought I was done with them, but no. Pain management is a real thing, and I just ignored that fact. When you hurt a lot for a long time, it's exhausting. I think I cried yesterday a few times for no real reason other than I was tired of hurting. And when I wasn't crying, I was just flat out angry. Seething mad. The pain meds do make me drowsy, but then when it was time to sleep, I couldn't. The only place I can get comfortable is folded up into a little ball on the loveseat. I really need to get a picture of it somehow. 

2. The house.

I haven't mentioned this yet, or if I have it was in passing, but while all this is going on with me, we're in the middle of a remodel project in our walkout basement. More than that, we've also had some issues with things breaking, and having to have repairs made. For the most part, this has happened without really involving me directly. They come in and work while I'm upstairs, and with the exception of Riley losing his mind every time he hears the workers talking, it hasn't been that bad. But. It's not stress-free for either me or Bob. Calls have to be made. Things don't happen the way we plan. Supplies run out. Delays happen. Almost every day he and I have to remind each other that everything is hard right now. Everything. But it will get better.

3. Practical things.

Stretchy camis are my new best friend. I had several, but bought more in a few different colors, and about one size larger than my usual. They can pull up instead of over, which is nice because I still have trouble raising my arm over my head. Plus they are great for keeping the ace bandage and, when I wear it, the stuffing boob, in place all day. Tell your friends. 

4. The feelings.

These are funny days. I'm trying to rest, recover, get better, stay positive -- you know, all that stuff I'm supposed to be doing and that everyone keeps telling me I need to do. In reality, outside of the time I'm trying to stay pain-free, fed, hydrated, and clean, there is a lot of time to just think. What's funny is some of these thoughts I have sound like they'd make great blog posts. But what comes out definitely is not all worth sharing. For instance, I'm saving you from a post that would have included some drivel about dead flowers, changes, and virtues. 

5. Coming soon.

I'm hoping to get the last drain tube out tomorrow. The nurse today said that the pain I'm having is probably mostly due to the tube still being in place. Can't wait for this thing to be OUT of me. Then, at long last, Monday at 8:00 am I meet with Dr. N, the oncologist. I am hoping then to have the answers -- when chemo starts, how many treatments, and so on. I'm glad to finally have something on the calendar. (Oh, and as a sidebar, I may be trying on some wigs tomorrow... stay tuned.)