"Go ahead and swipe," she said. Huh?Oh, right, swipe the card.
"It's asking you if you want cash back." Huh? Oh, sorry.
"Go ahead and push the green button." Oh gosh. Sorry again. I think she was holding back a sigh.
"Sorry. I think we're all a little... sleepy this time of year," I told her. "So many things to be distracted by. The mind wanders."
Her reaction: Blink, blink, blink. Obviously I made no sense to her whatsoever. But, this was not the kind of conversation you typically have with the sales clerk at Big Lots on any random Tuesday in December.
It's Advent.
It's really hard to have Advent right before Christmas. Couldn't Advent be some other time when you're not on a black diamond slope careening toward December 25th?
It's supposed to be a time of preparation, of waiting in expectation for Jesus' birth. But really for me it becomes a time of preparation of "stuff" -- preparing the shopping list, preparing the food for the party, preparing the tree, the table, the presents. Time is short. Lots to be done. Lists of lists on lists.
I even find myself rushing through the daily scripture readings thinking, "yeah, yeah, I know this one." And then flipping back to Pinterest to find that salad recipe I want to try. Hurtling toward Christmas day fast, and slightly out of control.
Sitting in Mass on Gaudate Sunday I suddenly realized I had missed the first two weeks of Advent. Again. And (like every year, don't kid yourself, this is an annual thing) I thought, "I can still get Advent back on track. I still have a week. I can do this. I'll be the model of Advent! I'll spend more time praying! I'll spend more time reading! I'll give something up! I'll give more to charity! I can do this! A whole week!" (I totally realize how annoying the exclamation points are, sorry.)
And while I was thinking how I would be the most determined and successful Advent-celebrator-ever (although a couple of weeks late), we started singing:
Jesus, hope of the world,
Jesus, light in our darkness,
Hm, I thought. It's a nice tune. I like this one.
here we await you,O Master Divine.
Here we receive you in Bread and in Wine:
Jesus, hope of the world.
Then the refrain that has a pace almost like walking:
Come to us, O Son of God!
Come to us, O Son of Man!
Come, Son of God! Come, Son of Man!
Shepherd your people in love!
It was a good song, a great song. And it's stuck with me. Since then, these words have been in my head when I wake up every morning. "Jesus, hope of the world ... Come to us, O Son of God" -- we invited him. I invited him.
If Jesus was coming over on Christmas I would worry less about some things, like the needles falling off the tree or the tumbleweeds of dog hair -- and more about other things, like really slowing down and letting him speak to me through scripture or forgiving and being forgiven.
This Advent, even though it was late in coming, and I messed it up, I think I finally understood the "waiting in expectation" thing. I'm watching out the window, waiting for him. He'll show up. I invited him.
Come to us, O Heart's Desire!
Come to us, O Saving Love!
Come, Heart's Desire! Come, Saving Love!
Banish our doubt and our fear!
Listen to the hymn.
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