God said "happy birthday" to me

"I'll come for you."

Since Advent started I have changed my morning routine slightly. I had been reading some books on the Stations of the Cross, on prayer, a book on detraction (very sobering), but I was out of new things, and had reread some of my favorites, so I was looking for something to do in Advent. 

On top of this search, I had taken a break from my morning journaling, quite frankly because it was vacillating between a "what we ate and where we went" journal and literally a "gripe" journal (think Rain Man and the "Serious Injury List"). It wasn't productive, and it certainly wasn't helping my spiritual life. The time in between the food/gripe journal was a little empty, but I just continued prayer, daily Mass readings, some reflections, and my rosary every day. But I was looking for something more for Advent. 

The Holy Spirit provided inspiration. And it was, as usual, right in front of me. Lectio Divina. I had prayed this way before, but had never recorded what God was saying to me through the Gospel. So I thought I'd start by actually writing down the passage in the daily Gospel reading that stuck out to me, and then sit and pray, and just wait for God to show me something for that day. It was simple, maybe even felt "simplistic." But I was jotting down some things I hadn't seen or thought of before. So that felt right and good. It was a nice thing to do right before my rosary.

Today it was something else. 

Today's Gospel is an all too familiar one. One hundred sheep. One goes missing. Man leaves the 99, goes after the 1. Rejoices. End of story. But since I started this, I haven't been looking for the easy answer, the "yeah, yeah" message. I have been asking God to show something to me, personally.

The part of the passage I wrote down was this: "What is your opinion? If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them goes astray, will he not leave the ninety-nine in the hills and go in search of the stray?"

What's my opinion? I kept asking myself that question. My opinion is that 100 sheep is a lot. What would 100 sheep look like. It would look like a lot of sheep, and they look pretty much all the same. 

So wait, how would this guy even know that ONE of them went missing. This is the first thing God showed me on my birthday. 

The man would have had to know each sheep. Pretty well. To be able to look at a huge herd and know that one was missing. It could have been ANY one of the hundred and he would have known. And he would have acted the same way. 

That's where I left it when I picked up my rosary to pray the Sorrowful Mysteries. Which is perfect for my birthday because I am one of those weirdos who love the Sorrowful Mysteries best of all. I prayed today's for the holy souls in Purgatory. 

Anyway, somewhere around the Crowning with Thorns, I pictured the shepherd, who just cared so much about that damn sheep that he went after it. And it's this same guy, who they have beaten nearly to death and now they're putting those thorns on his head to hurt him even more. I pictured him, bloody and in pain, but not regretting going in search of the sheep. Who is me. 

Tears started flowing (and are again as I write this). This had never happened to me before. This profound sense of his love for me, ME. So many times in confession priests have told me "he loves you" and I have always had the "yeah, yeah" reaction. Yep, heard that in Sunday School. God loves me. Whatever, Father. 

But until today I'm not sure I EVER knew it. Or believed it. 

He told me today: "I'll come for you." Crazy, over the top, profound love makes him do this. He knows each of us. We're part of a huge herd called humanity, but he knows EVERY one of us. And he will come for us and keep coming for us, all of us.

"...it is not the will of your heavenly Father that one of these little ones be lost." It's the best gift to receive on my birthday. And I wanted to share it with you.