Let me save you the trouble.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. 

Well, honestly I do a lot of thinking period. But lately I've been thinking about why I do certain things, why I try certain things, and then why I usually quickly abandon those same things. 

I recently read the book Wanting, by Luke Burgis. I'm not a big nonfiction reader (except for my Catholic or spiritual reading), but I ran across a YouTube video in which Burgis was talking about "mimetics" which is a term used to describe why we want the things we want, and this is the topic of his book. So I got the book and plowed through it.

Think of mimetics like mimicking and you've got the basic gist. We want things we want because someone else wants it. So we essentially "mimic" someone we admire or want to be like (for good or bad). There's a lot of deep psychological and sociological stuff that you can unpack with this, but I'm not a psychologist or sociologist, so if you want a more coherent explanation, I recommend checking out the book or his site for more info.

In my constant quest for ways to either improve myself, make things more comfy at home, or find an anti-anxiety hobby, I spend (too much) time on the internet just browsing for ideas. And I found that I sparked to some things and thought, YES, I want to try that! And then once I tried, I thought WHY did I try that?

So I thought I'd make a short list of "tried and failed" to just save you the trouble. 

Macrame

I am a child of the 60s, so when I saw the macrame craze showing up everywhere, I felt its soft cotton cords drawing me back to my youth. When there was tie-die and macrame and bell bottoms and all was right with the world. I'll have so much fun with this, I thought. I managed to make two or three "perfectly okay" plant hangers. It wasn't hard, and they were quick to make, but I just didn't have a desire to improve my craft or take it to any other level. And in the end I saw better quality, prettier macrame pot hangers for sale everywhere. Besides that I realized for like the 60th time in my life that things like this do not really stand the test of time, they come and go. Thousands of feet of macrame cord now sit in the closet. 

Chia Seeds

Pinterest is a living, breathing organism powered mainly by chia seed recipes. Chia seed pudding a billion ways, chia seeds in smoothies, 100 fascinating ways to use chia seeds, sprouting chia seeds. It was all too much to ignore and I felt my life was not complete unless or until I learned what all this chia fuss was about. I found an easy recipe for overnight oats with chia seeds, bananas, some chocolate chips, and coconut. All  things I love. When I pulled it out of the fridge the next morning, mouth watering, I took one bite and thought: I should love this. It's healthy. It has chia seeds in it. It tasted like chocolate chip wallpaper paste. Okay, I thought, this isn't for me. So I will try sprouting the seeds. I love sprouts! I can't even describe the fail on this. Several times I caught Bob looking at my sprouts with a wrinkled up nose. "What are you going to do with those?" he asked me. They went away one day and we never spoke of it again.

Watercolor Painting

In ages past I considered myself a bit of an artist. In my teens, mom even paid an artist to give me some lessons. I was the darling of art class in school, always wanting to create. I took a ton of art classes in college, and felt like I was at the height of my creative power. I did well with drawing, painting, photography, all the arty stuff. The creative streak followed me into adulthood, and I had some fun with tramp art, painting, fabric art, and all kinds of design. But the one thing I never really tried was watercolor. I worked in acrylics. I had done mixed media. How hard could it be? I already had paint brushes, so I just picked up some paints and paper and found a quiet day with nothing going on and I thought I would give it a go. In no time I would have pretty paintings, original art without the high price tag. Well, friends, let's just say that I probably should not have missed the watercolor class in the day, because I clearly needed about 40 years of practice to get how this is done. Before I started throwing wet paper like a monkey flinging poo, I put it all out of my sight. This one does sting more than the chia seeds, though.

There are probably a few more things I could add to the list, but these are the ones that come to mind, mainly because the evidence of my tried and failed projects are lingering in closet and cupboard. I will keep them around a little longer, though, before I donate them or pass them along to a friend or family member who might want to try it out.

For now they are good little reminders that maybe I need to stop chasing someone else's ideas of what could make me a healthier, happier human. 

Instead my thoughts are turning to what Burgis describes as our "thick" desires - what we want that will really make us healthier and happier humans, and more authentically ourselves. Saint Ignatius' discernment of spirits is a place to start. At any rate I don't think I will find it on YouTube or Pinterest. But I'm on a quest for it.