That time worrying actually made me less anxious.

 "Why would they let me book a flight if there was no way for me to make the connection?" It wasn't a rhetorical question. 

When I looked at the time my first flight landed, and when my next flight was boarding, it seemed like there would be very little hope of me making it. 

Bob, who is a much more seasoned traveler than I am, looked at the airline site and told me that there was a "warning" to check the time of the connection. This is when the anxiety started ramping up. "I made these reservations six months ago! I don't know this stuff! Maybe something changed! Why would they let me book it!?" 

Gettin' shrill. 

I had been pretty proud of myself preparing for this work trip. I was headed to a four day conference in Baltimore, and for the most part I felt okay about it. I was pleased with my wardrobe choices, I had everything confirmed, I was checked in online with the airline and the hotel. I was all set. 

I had also had a "practice trip" a couple of weeks earlier, to Chicago to my company's headquarters. On that trip, even though it was much shorter, and a direct flight, I was a total wreck. It was the first time I'd flown in a long time, and I was not ready for how anxious I was going to be. Going through security in Fort Wayne, a TSA agent shot me a concerned look when I handed over my ID because my hand was very visibly shaking. I was clammy, out of breath, and just wishing I could calm myself down.

Going into it I knew that the flight is only about 30 minutes from takeoff to landing. You spend more time taxiing than flying. And yet, both ways, I was still a big bundle of anxiety. Every noise and every bump made me jump, flinch, and shake. I tried distracting myself with games on my phone (water sort puzzle is a pretty good one for this), or praying the Rosary. But it was still pretty obvious I was not okay. To the point that my seatmate on the flight home literally asked me if I was okay. I wasn't. 

But later, I was okay. I made it in one piece, I navigated some airport situations that were pretty anxiety-provoking (including some confusion going through security, multiple gate changes, and a very drunk and belligerent guy at a lunch counter where I was sitting) but I came through it. I won't say I was proud of my performance, but I did it. I just did it anxious.

So with that one shaky experience under my belt, I was a bit more confident about the trip to Baltimore, until that moment when I realized I might not have time to get to the gate. Bob and I went through my options. There weren't many, and none of them were ideal. 

That is when, for some strange, mystical, magical reason, I calmed down. 

I had plenty of reasons to worry, but no reason to be anxious. 

The anxiety I felt on the practice trip was long-lasting and non-specific, exaggerating concerns to a catastrophic level: how can I trust the pilot, that was a huge bump, did something just fall off the aircraft, why is everyone else so calm, don't they know what's happening?

The worry was specific: will my bag make it, will there be flight delays, will I miss the boarding call? These were all things that could actually happen. There were actions I could take to resolve some of this (like running through the airport), but the rest would either happen or not. I decided I am a grown woman, fairly resourceful, and I could figure it out.

So very much unlike me, I arrived at the Fort Wayne airport, checked my bag, had a conversation about the connection with the woman at the counter, went through security with no problems, and even sat down for a late lunch. No shaking, no shortness of breath, nothing. Got on the plane, cool and calm. WEIRD.

And then this happened: it all worked out fine. I made the next flight, my bag made it, I had no issues.

For most people, this probably all sounds very silly. And on paper, I totally agree. I want to be that confident, calm person I was all the time! I did learn some things from this experience that I hope will help me, but I also know that I am, for real, a work in progress when it comes to this stuff. 

So as always, pray for me, and I'll be praying for you!